The parable of the Good Samaritan is universally known. It’s all about a man who is beaten by thieves, stripped of his clothes, and left half dead in the street – a not unfamiliar news headline for today. The parable was allegedly told by Jesus to  a lawyer, as a way to illustrate how we should define ‘neighbour’ in the context of his idea that we should all ‘love your neighbour as yourself” – and to emphasise that it’s not just the law that matters, but also spirit feeding the action.

On the Compassion Course, we explore universal spiritual principles and no one particular faith .. but I have to say that this parable, and also The Prodigal Son are both so relevant to our themes.

When what we think, say, and do, align- we are then ready for the miracles of life; peace, forgiveness, and compassion. When not, we’re heading for conflict.

The real point of the parable was that the man beaten by thieves was a Jew, and yet a priest, followed by a temple assistant walked by him, without going to his help. The passer-by who eventually did stop to help, was none other than a Samaritan. (Samaritans and Jews despised and hated each other – they had different interpretations of the Torah).

In 1973, Princetown University psychologists John Darley and C.Daniel Batson devised an interesting experiment around (mis)alignment of our words and actions – as follows.

A group of trainee ministers at a world leading theological college were asked to prepare a sermon based on The Good Samaritan. When they had done this, they were then told that they were to deliver their sermons whilst being filmed in another building on the campus. The experimenters observed them walking between the buildings .. where a man (an actor) was slumped against a doorway, head down, eyes closed, and grunting quietly – clearly in need of assistance.

More than half of the participants walked straight past the man – with some of them even stepping over him! In a further experiment, when they were told to be as quick as possible, the level of help fell to just 10 percent!

I don’t mention this experiment to bash religion or the church – not at all! Let’s face it, ‘life’ for all of us takes over, gets in the way, and distracts us from the moment and from what deep down, we know is really important. Many of us have jobs/occupations/roles where we’re expected to perform ‘on and off duty’. I’m not just talking about doctors, nurses, midwives, paramedics, fire and police officers, social workers, counsellors .. but also parents, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, .. stand-up comedians, plumbers, electricians, financial advisors,  .. and priests! What I’m meaning to say here is that whoever we are, we’re here to help and support others – and yet we don’t always. We slip in and out of role, without necessarily wishing to. And especially when it comes to compassion, we can get tired, weary, and disillusioned.

That’s where the compassion course can hopefully help, so that our boundaries can become nicely blurred enabling us to more frequently be in the compassionate zone – ready for ‘the moment’ – on or off duty, whilst at the same time staying compassionate with ourselves.

Did you know that there is a world peace day (21 September)? I didn’t until now. Watch this short trailer about this wonderful initiative, and read all about it at http://www.peaceoneday.org

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today, throughout the US, people are commemorating Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, with messages of peace, civil and human rights, mutual responsibility and service.  Watch his “I Have a Dream” speech here ..

Read the text here.

This video follows on from my last post. It features Daniel Goleman (internationally known author of ‘Emotional Intelligence’), talking about why we aren’t more compassion more of the time. He starts by mentioning the same Princetown ‘Samaritan’ experiment.

He tells us how social neuroscientists have discovered that we are hard wired to be compassionate and then asks so why aren’t we?

He says – “The simple fact is that if we are focussed on ourselves .. we don’t fully notice the other.”

I wonder, if we truly learnt instead of focussing on ourselves, how to focus on our compassionate selves, (which we can argue is our true nature) – surely would then soon discover that compassion is a shared experience equally involving our focus on ourselves and others.

Is this really a matter – of – fact – heartless world?

Do you find yourself feeling alone? And when, in your loneliness, you stop to consider it, do you find that compassion is exceptional; in the sense that it is the exception to the norm?

Me too.

Or perhaps ..

in the same world, you recognise yourself in others, seeing and hearing the world through compassionate eyes and ears; naturally feeling heartfelt connection to others?

Me too.

In either case – same world, different view.

Perhaps, even in our various perceived conflicts, which ’side’ we align with matters less than whether or not our thoughts and actions are truly aligned with our hearts?

Compassionate acts are both exceptional and outrageous in that they are beyond the limit of what is commonly thought acceptable .. for some people, somewhere.
Perhaps compassion is always considered outrageous, for someone, somewhere. In which case, let’s be even more outrageous in compassion for 2010!

Join us on the next Compassion Course 6&7 February, 2010 – Central London. More details on top margin. Book Online HERE.

Hi!

Just a quick reminder that the early booking discount for our next weekend workshop in February, expires midnight on the 31st December 2009! After this time, the full fee will apply.

For full course details – see the links on top menu.

For full booking details, please go to:

http://thecompassioncourse.com/dates-and-on-line-booking/

We hope very much you’ll be able to join us.

Wishing you a happy, healthy, fulfilling, and compassionate 2010!

Phil Reed. Course Trainer.

Michelle Pritchard. Project Manager.

‘Not long now until Christmas!’ What do those words stir in you?

I always think the Christmas period brings our both the best and the worst.

For some, Christmas is full of meaning and connection, but equally for others it brings only pain and isolation.

Whatever the personal significance is for us of Christmas, we’re all likely to hope for an easier and happier time in 2010.

A part of us, however small, hopes against all the odds that our planet will become more peaceful and that Christmas somehow will be a turning point – a time when we can turn away from hatred and instead have love for each other ‘despite it all’.

And a week or so beyond Christmas day? What then? How will we then be with the world? Will we still be urged to love, and to put others before ourself? For some, this will be a certainty, but for others not so. Either way, compassion it seems, is more difficult once ‘normality’ returns.

The sadness is when ‘returning to normality’ means not compassion, but rather – looking out for number one.

‘Normality’ may also mean being brutally competitive, finding fault, hanging on to whatever we have for dear life in fear of losing it, clawing our way to ’success’ doing ‘whatever it takes’ to ‘achieve success’.  Compassion is then frozen out of our equation. In our ‘greed for success’ some of us get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we fail to notice the simple beauty of life in the here and now, let alone notice those who could really do with our help.

The paradox is that our self-interest can bury compassion not only for others but also for ourself. In our firm fist of determination for outside success our heart connection to the need of others is also closed.

Without being able to extend compassion to others, in thought, word, and action, we ultimately die inside.

Compassion is not only life-giving, but also life affirming.

‘Surely reason enough for compassion being quite literally, for life; not just for Christmas!

T

To help you continue living compassionately throughout the year, click here.

Responding to my mentioning The Compassion Course recently, a friend emailed me this comment/question ..

‘I’d like to promote it, [the compassion course] but I’m puzzled –what makes people think they need more compassion?  As opposed to peace of mind, success, good relationships etc?’



On first reading her question, it immediately occurred to me that the sub-text to this question could be ‘what makes Phil Reed think people need more compassion?’ so I’ll start by addressing this, in case you were thinking the same!

I actually don’t think people need compassion, because I don’t think people need anything. The philosophy I go by here is so simple it sometimes unsettles even me. That is until something or someone pops up in my life which again reminds me of why I think it’s so true!

Let me explain a little ..

My thinking here is this ..  that everyone already has everything that they need (but only for) what they consider is theirs to receive.

For example. IF I consider that I want and deserve something – AND that it seems right (to who I am at the level of my self-identity), for me to have that thing in my life .. AND that it’s also possible in the grand scheme of things .. AND that I’m capable of having that thing AND am willing to put in the effort ..  ONLY THEN is it mine to have! However if any of these qualifiers is in my mind, weak or unconvincing .. then that ‘thing’ stays beyond my reach.

For me, this includes the big ‘uns like compassion, forgiveness, love, understanding! In this context then, the word ‘need’ is one that I can’t couple with the word ‘compassion’.

Compassion, for me, is here already, inside me (and you, and her, and him). It’s always within my (our) reach, and the nature of compassion is that it’s always unconditional. However where we so often come unstuck is that we forget that the only way to fully experience compassion is when we ourselves think, feel, say, and act compassionately. It comes from Inside. Every time.

We spend so much of our lifetimes wanting and looking for compassion. ‘Why do we need it when we don’t get it from others?!’ The fact is that all 6+ billion of us on the planet want love and compassion; we crave loving attention, relationship and connection. When we look outside to find ‘just someone who loves and understands us’ we just keep searching, .. and searching .. and searching.

‘Just a thought – but perhaps we’re looking in the wrong place?

Perhaps we’ve collectively forgotten the obvious; that love and compassion can only be found on the inside, extended outwards. Compassion is more than a thing, more than a warm feeling we get from others, and its more than a concept. Compassion .. as I see it ..  is a remembering, an acknowledgement, a conscious and unconscious emergence of who we always were, and who as human beings we’re meant to be.

Compassion is more than a concept; it breaths, it communicates, it connects to others, and it heals. To do this, compassion always wants to extend itself through us, .. even though we often don’t understand or want to accept it. When we resist compassion, there is pain because we are resisting our natural way of being.

Whatever is missing from a situation is that which we are not extending to others.

Let’s return to my friend’s question. We surely need peace of mind, success, good relationships as opposed to more compassion, she suggests.

For me, compassion enhances these things; it is not an either/or situation.

Unfortunately, peace of mind is often thought of as something in short supply – something jealously guarded and protected; something we only manage to have in solitude.

Whilst I certainly don’t knock solitude, (I’ve been called a hermit more than once in my time!), I prefer to think of peace of mind as when our thinking, feeling, saying and doing, is aligned to who we truly are.

Truth is that which is permanent and unshakeable - compassion - surely fits the bill here. The great advantage about this way of thinking, is that both compassion and peace of mind can happen anywhere and with anyone; it is then unconditional because it is self managed. We rely on no-one else.

When we are ‘all of a peace’ we’re joined with others, and solidly authentic in ourselves; we quite literally ‘have integrity’. We lose our peace of mind when we loose that connection to others, and when we ourselves are fragmented. This usually happens when we are anxious, lonely, fearful, or full of guilt or jealousy. Peace of mind cannot be when we’re in pieces!

Whatever the situation we find ourselves in, returning to peace of mind is ever only one compassionate thought away.


Communication with others flows easily when we’re feeling whole in ourselves; when we have that peace of mind. It’s at these times that compassion also flows and extends most easily. Clear compassionate communication engenders good relationship with others.

Success at its truest (happiness), stems from good relationships; no relationship = no success.

“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.”

John Donne. English poet. 1572-1631.



Compassion prevents our fragmentation into islands, it prevents our drifting away from all that is good in humanity. Compassion joins where there is separation and it reminds us of the purpose of life.

On The Compassion Course we don’t assume to teach compassion – which already exists in all of us. We rather aim to learn ways to let go of what prevents compassion  in our relationships, and in our striving to have peace of mind and success. I love these courses as apart from sharing what I find useful, each time I expect to learn more; I hope you can join us.

Only a compassionate manager really understands what you’re up against.

 

A compassionate manager ..

..  tells us to take things easy when life is a struggle – and reassures us that the work will take care of itself for as long as we need.

..  tells us not to worry so much – it is the reassuring voice that tells us that our welfare and the welfare of those close to us is far more important!

..  encourages us to go home early when we’re not feeling so good –  to have a nice warm bath and to get to bed early – and that all will be fine.

..  bends the rules occasionally (acknowledging our hard work of course!) – understanding the principle of give and take.

..  notices that we’re looking tired or stressed and without wanting to quiz us about the detail, shows us through listening and other simple acts, that they care.

.. notices before we do, that all is not right.

.. encourages us to accept the help we need.

.. knows how scary it is to admit we’re struggling.

but what if ..

.. our compassionate manager is not who we think it is? What if he/she is always with us! What if our manager comes as ’standard issue’ – integral to our human heart; ‘inside all of us yet all too often forgotten in our thinking?

and what if ..

our heart alone is the greatest compassionate manager we could have .. always understanding, and reminding us (when we choose to hear) that when we’re up against ourself - we need only take loving action? 

What if we dared to look for compassion inside of us, instead of expecting others to give it to us?

What if we decided to ‘be’, instead of expecting others to ‘do’?

Sometimes we want to help, and yet we’re anxious about being understood, or about getting things ‘right’, .. or perhaps we’re concerned about how others may see us, and about how others may judge us.

At such times, you may be inspired by the following words – adapted from The Healers Prayer, in The Course in Miracles. (T-2.V.18:2-6). Note that The Course in Miracles describes health as having peace of mind.

Words for the beginning of the day / before the event ..

I’m here only to be truly helpful.
I’m here to represent you who sent me.
I don’t have to worry about what to say or do, because you who sent me will direct me.
I’m content to be wherever you wish me to be, knowing you go there with me – just as you are with me in this moment.
And as I let you teach me how to heal, I will heal.

Words for the end of the day / after the event ..

I was there, as here .. only to be truly helpful.
I was there to represent you who sent me.
I was at ease about what to say and do, because in stillness I heard you direct me.
I’m content to have been there, knowing you went there with me – just as you are now with me here, in this moment.
I’ve listened, I’ve heard, and I’ve been open to your healing.

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